I hope you didn't think that this picture of a horse's mouth might be in any way related to the post title. Don't be gross! Besides, everybody knows that vaginal teeth are serrated like a shark's for slicing through meat. They're not meant for grinding up forage and chomping on oats. If you think that, you're being totally naive. They have only one purpose: cutting off weiners. Vaginas are carnivorous, duh.

I was very much looking forward to seeing Teeth, a B-horror movie based on the myth of vagina dentata. The idea is so ripe for bloody gory hilarious parody, I was hoping for a film on par with Ginger Snaps. I envisioned an R-rated episode of Buffy directed by John Waters. Sadly, the film didn't live up to the idea's potential. While it had a few admittedly excellent moments, unfortunately they were way too few. I mean, severed penis jokes can only carry a movie so far. Overall it was pretty disappointing.

The star, Jess Weixler, is fantastic and definitely the best thing about the film. She's reminiscent of a Heathers-era Winona Ryder. Too bad Teeth wasn't anywhere near as biting as Heathers.

Warning: Just TRY to not sing "Vagina Dentata" to the tune of "Hakuna Matata." Impossible. It is fast becoming the theme song to my life. I can't stop singing it. "Vagina dentata... It means no worries for the rest of your days... It's our problem-free philosophy... vagina dentata! Vagina... dentata... vagina... dentata..."